SO it's been a bit over a month since I've been here.
Life is ok.  Nothing too dramatic, but I am not satisfied.
We all have a basic connection...that common ground of choosing to come here
that stress from midterms, the exposure to the city and the culture, but i don't feel like there is a genuine connection
no one to really talk to about my insecurities, or my internal frustrations, intellectual struggles, emotional confusion...
Not that I've ever REALLY relied on too many towers in the past
I mean sure, as an interesting conversation, or a little heart to heart, I would share a bit of myself
but there is no satisfaction in it.  I feel like I need so much more.
I know I'm fully capable of getting through everyday without this...and that gets me in a pinch.
This void must be...could be God.
No one perfectly compatible, and there is a yearning in my heart for that one person, whether it's a close girlfriend, or is a boyfriend.
What's happening to me.

I think it's safe (?) to say I miss home.. in a sense I suppose.  I sent a package home yesterday w/ t-shirts and a letter.  talking about the food that I don't have, but how hard i'm studying. HOw everyone is smart here, but I'm trying.  I'm going to try.  I will try.  I don't think I'm trying the best I can, but I'm still maintaining my happiness while I'm studying pretty efficiently. Their belief and support will help me keep going.

In terms of church, I really like the environment, although it's a bit too big.  Again, I'm looking for genuine relationships.  I hope I don't come off the wrong way.  Where will life take me?  I want to make lasting friendships...but I might not be able to.. gah lolol w/e

and about the guy who prays for that one person.  Mm we'll see.  We will see...
so today I might have found my future roommates (?)
and we'll see how everything happens...
it's all a whirlwind.

I started looking into clubs today.  I'm just going to be exposed to it.
We will see which clubs I end up joining and where I choose to be active.  Nothing too extreme of a commitment or distraction
We will see...
it's all a whirlwind..I can see it now.

Just finished my first round of midterms... We'll seee what i get in Econ and 48/50 in Psych, 41/50 in NutriSci (ugh this class T.T)
 
confrontation of truth and the past...namely miles...that's what i got from one of the sermons..
and from another, I got that my attitude on money and the idea of service is good, but must have a relationship with God..sounds like what Irene was telling me..
I'm having a hard time,  I'm pressed.  Greencard, family future, my disadvantages, pains, scars, tears...
the need to excel...